Post-Divorce Parenting Blueprint: Not everyone got the memo

 

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I’m sure you have read the letter from a Mom to her daughter’s new Step-Mom. She references how neither one of them expected this to be their reality, but it was. It is a reality that roughly half of all American families face at some point. You marry the man/woman of your dreams, pop out a baby or two and somewhere along the line, something happens, or nothing happens, and it just doesn’t work anymore. 

Who suffers? Everyone does, but it’s the little people that were created out of a onetime love that now endure life out of balance. Two homes, two bedrooms, two different sets of rules and eventually new people in their lives taking on roles of Mom or Dad who are not Mom or Dad. 

When my ex-husband and I separated there was lots of blame to go around, and to this day we still have heart to hearts about what I did wrong, what he did wrong and what we did wrong that put us in this situation. We cried together on the phone the day the divorce was final, mostly because we knew what this meant for our daughter who we both love more that life itself. She didn’t deserve this and we had no one else to blame but ourselves. 

I have no regrets. I don’t regret the marriage for the obvious reason that it produced my reason for everything I do, my baby girl. I also have zero regrets about the divorce. We were not right for each other in so many ways. Ways that we both recognized long before we said I do, but damn we looked good on paper. I learned so much from my marriage about who I am and what I need in a partner, and so did he.

Now the tough part. He has moved on and has someone in his life. I was happy for him, because deep inside, I will always care for him and want nothing but the best for him. I have learned very quickly though, that despite my desire for us “all” to get along and raise this little girl together, she has other plans. Her situation is much different because her son’s father is essentially not in the picture. My ex has stepped up and taken over the role as Dad, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.  The unfortunate part in this is that “she” isn’t comfortable at all with the fact that my ex and I do not communicate solely through lawyers and actually have a decent co-parenting relationship.

On two separate occasions she has taken to text to verbally attack me and threaten my relationship with my daughter. It’s actually shocking to hear a grown educated woman use phrases like fat ass, loony bitch and say things like “remember who has more at stake”. My favorite is how she reminds me that my ex has told her all about me. Really?? Someone’s ex told an obviously very insecure new girlfriend something bad about her. SHOCKING

Bottom line is I hate conflict. I have no intentions to be in WW3 with this chick for the next 40 years of my life. I won’t stoop to her level and call names, nor would I say anything degrading about her to my daughter. It’s hard, not going to lie and I am disappointed knowing that the only one that really gets hurt in this picture is my kiddo. And this Mama Bear will do everything in my power to protect her at all costs. 

As always, your commentary is encouraged. Reading this back I feel like I sound a little bit like a victim, which is not my intent. The situation is what it is and I’ve realized you can’t choose what your post-divorce parenting picture looks like. The good thing is my daughters Dad and I are good. We can talk, make decisions and put our daughter first. Everything else will work itself out. Until then, my girlfriends are there for me to remind me that I will always be my daughters Mom, and “she” has a hairy bush and 3 nipples really bad attitude. 

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