I think I’m a secret introvert. Sh*t!

Share on Facebook6 Signs You’re A Secret Introvert

 Carina Wolff CARINA WOLFF · NOVEMBER 9, 2015

When you think of a classic introvert, you picture a person staying holed up in their apartment, avoiding any and all social situations. But as it turns out, not all introverts quite fit this mold. By definition, an introvert gets their energy by spending time with themselves. Not always shy, they just prefer to sometimes be alone to think and recharge.

In fact, there may be secret introverts all around you, and you might not even know it. If you’re a social, but closeted introvert, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

People think you’re fun and outgoing, you have many close friends, and you can have great conversations. However, when it comes to down to big groups of people you don’t know, going to networking events by yourself, or having a long one-on-one conversation with a perfect stranger, nothing could sound more uncomfortable.

Being an introvert doesn’t make you inherently shy, and although this could seem confusing for the naturally talkative and comfortable extravert, outgoing introverts do exist.

Put in the right situation, introverts can definitely express themselves when needed, but it doesn’t mean they feel right at home doing it. If this sounds like you, here are six signs that may indicate you are a secret introvert.

1. You Like Socializing…With Someone By Your Side

Socializing can be fun for a secret introvert, but you’re most comfortable when you have a close friend nearby. You like to attend social events, but mostly when they’re filled with people you already know. You go to parties to be with friends, not necessarily make friends.

2. It Takes You Some Time To Warm Up

You have lots of friends, and you have close relationships with them, but it takes you a little more time to open up to them.

Extroverts tend to jump into new friendships quickly, but introverts need to ease into the relationship, sometimes feeling uncomfortable at the prospect of interacting with someone they don’t know much about. Once they do feel comfortable, however, they’re completely themselves.

3. You Spend Time Around A Lot Of Extroverts

People often mistake you as an extravert because you spend so much time around so many of them.

This is because extroverts help pull you out of your comfort zone, and they can also help break the ice in awkward situations. Extroverts pull out your outgoing side.

4. You’re Hyper Observant

Outgoing introverts tend to be the ones in the middle of the social scene, quietly observing their surroundings.

They notice details, and pick up on people’s emotions much more quickly, as introverts tend to be more sensitive. This will also have you questioning whether someone dislikes you because they left to get a drink 10 minutes into your conversation.

They notice details, and pick up on people’s emotions much more quickly, as introverts tend to be more sensitive. This will also have you questioning whether someone dislikes you because they left to get a drink 10 minutes into your conversation.

5. You Find Networking Stressful, But You Still Go Anyway

Even though you still go to every single networking event and seminar (even when they’re not mandatory), the process can be draining for a secret introvert.

You can put on your best face and fake your way through hoards of people, but nothing feels more unnatural or nerve-wracking than forced conversation. However, secret introverts know the benefits to socializing and connecting with people, so they go anyway.

6. You Need To Be Alone At The End Of The Day

Extroverts can spend hours and days on end around people. Secret introverts can spend the whole party socializing, but by the time they get home, nothing sounds better than being alone.

For introverts, alone time is when you decompress, reflecting on the day and working through your thoughts.

45 Life Lessons

This list was written by Regina Brett, who was diagnosed with breast cancer just before her 45th birthday. As the Holidays approach, we can all use a gentle reminder about what is important.


  1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
  2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
  3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
  4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
  5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
  6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
  7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
  8. Save for retirement, starting with your first paycheck.
  9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
  10. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
  11. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
  12. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
  14. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
  15. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
  16. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
  17. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
  18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
  19. Burn the candles; use the nice sheets; wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
  20. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
  21. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
  22. The most important sex organ is the brain.
  23. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
  24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
  25. Forgive everyone everything.
  26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
  27. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
  28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
  29. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
  30. Believe in miracles.
  31. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
  32. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
  33. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
  34. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
  35. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
  36. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
  37. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
  38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
  39. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
  40. The best is yet to come.
  41. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
  42. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
  43. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
  44. Yield.
  45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

If you want more inspiration from Regina Brett, check out her personal website!


O Christmas Tree

I love our family’s #christmastraditions. Each year I buy special ornaments for each family member. The boys can’t wait to receive theirs, and every time we hang “their” ornament from a prior year, we tell a story about it. Also, our family buys ornaments any time we go on vacation or visit a new place or if we have a major family event. The result is a tree full of memories and inside jokes (“Squirrel!!”). It isn’t a fancy tree, but to me it’s the most beautiful tree ever. 12342687_10208260952987313_8347482270533504454_n

Qualities in a Friend

 I also believe your friends should challenge you. Challenge you to be something amazing because they believe in you so much. I’ve seen friendships fail or falter when friends try to keep you down to either make themselves feel better or to have someone to have a mutual pity party with.  

A birthday letter to the Daughter I gave up.

acb7608fecc436abf647ccd95cf8cd7c1It’s been 23 years since I had to say goodbye to you. I tried not to get to know you as you grew inside my 15 year old belly. In desperate times I even tried to imagine that you weren’t there, and that if I wished hard enough it would be true. The truth was I was 9 months pregnant and I had hidden that fact from everyone until 3 weeks prior. I know what you are thinking….how is it possible to hide a pregnancy for over 8 months? Looking back, I’m not sure how I pulled it off. It was the 90’s and baggy flannel was kind of the style. I managed to wear the same jeans throughout which caused me to carry you very high and I played sports. Softball, cheer-leading and even marching band. I know, crazy.

I wish I would have been stronger and trusted my parents enough to tell them earlier on. My decision would have been the same, but the months of trying to conceal what I was dealing with can take a tole on a kid. I was always the good kid, never in trouble and not the one that ends up pregnant at 15 years old. The thought of disappointing my parents was almost more than I could bare. The people pleaser in me has been around since birth. Ugh. When I told them, after the shock wore off and I finally convinced my Mom how far along I was, they were amazing.  They hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. My Dad didn’t yell like I expected. Trust me, you should have been there the time I brought a C home in in math in 7th grade. All they did was love me like I needed to be loved.

I had a plan. Yes, even at 15 I had a plan, and there was probably a to-do list. I was just a kid and I knew I could not be the kind of Mother that you needed, and definitely not the Mother that you deserved. I wanted the world for you and I didn’t have it to give. My Mom was so disappointed and I think up until the day you were born, she thought I would change my mind. It wasn’t a selfless decision, and in a lot of ways I have always felt very selfish. I wanted to go to college and have a career. How in the world could I do that in a cornfield town with a toddler? I wanted out of my hometown. I wanted to travel and have experiences and make something of myself. I wanted to be someone you would be proud of one day.

The day you were born is still a blur to me. I don’t remember the contractions, or the epidural (though my Mom said that it was the easiest labor she had ever seen). I don’t remember pushing, but I remember that first cry. I remember thanking God that you were okay. I remember when the nurse placed you in my arms for the few minutes I got to hold you. You were perfect. I knew at that moment I had to say goodbye because you were not mine to keep and that memory was what I would have to hold onto forever. There hasn’t been a day that has passed in 23 years where you haven’t crossed my mind. I want you to know you were loved from the day I realized your were there and you are loved now. Happy Birthday sweet girl.